While my life is more moderate, I will be forever touched by the challenge of trying to live a more radically Christian life.  Lent is the time that this is most in my heart.  One Lent, our dishwasher broke.  It was small and old.  “Well, you need a dishwasher!” my mother commented in a practical, American, upper-middle class way.  I stopped for a moment.  My mother never had a dishwasher until after she was married, but I don’t remember not living with a dishwasher.  “No, no one NEEDS a dishwasher.”  I realized.  “Even having clean water pumped into my house is a luxury.”

And so, we washed the dishes by hand until Easter.   Now I’m not trying to pat myself on the back for washing a few dishes.  I do realize that owning a dishwasher is a luxury.  But it makes me think.  What else is a luxury that we take for granted?  Many of us have redefined this through the recent economic crisis out of necessity.  But I challenge you to take it to the next level, or even, to the extreme. 

How little can you live on for 40 days?  Can you go to the wilderness?  Can you live on bugs and wild honey?  Well, maybe not.  But can you live without cable TV, movies, date nights, take-out, babysitters, haircuts, gym memberships, dry cleaning, bottled drinks, desserts, and prepared foods?  Can you turn down the thermostat, cut the grocery budget in half, reduce your water and energy bill, stop wearing makeup, buying clothes, toys, etc?  Can you try for 40 days to see what it is like to struggle to pay the bills?

I challenge you to cut your spending down to the leanest possible version of your household you can manage.  After paying the rent or the mortgage, and basic medical expenses, scrutinize every expenditure.   If you need a new notepad, consider the poor immigrants who washed and ironed butcher paper from their meats in order to make notebooks for their children.  If you need a razor, grow a beard.  Perhaps we won’t stop Becky’s ballet class or Joesph’s piano lessons.  Each of us will need to make specific decisions.  Take it to the Ultimate, worthy of a reality TV special, and do it with a heart worthy of our Lord.  If you accept this challenge please tell me about it.  I am anxious to hear all the ways we can sacrifice and the spiritual fruit that will result.

PS – Dave is still active in ministry and you can read his blog at the Archdiocese of Mobile website.
 

 As I sat in Mass, exhausted, just happy that I got there on time I realized that three candles were lit.  Yes, the pink one, too.  This rosy candle is supposed to tell us “Rejoice!  Gaudete!  Our Savior is almost here!”  Instead, what I heard was, “Oh no!  It’s almost Christmas and I still have so much to do!”

I battled my distraction with concerns over the traditions and social obligations as I tried to focus on the Advent readings.  “I am the voice of one crying out in the desert, make straight the way of the Lord.” 

Geesh!  I am nowhere near the desert.  I am so worried about how behind I am.  My head is at the grocery store, the toy store, work.  No wonder my soul fails to hear this call.  No wonder my soul fails to hear the rose-colored candle beckoning me to rejoice. 

So I take a deep breath, and I let it go.  And yes, I continue to be distracted.  I mutter a few absent-minded “And also with you’s” as I hear, “And with your spirit” all around me.  However, this time the culprits are my four-year-old and five-month-old.  I’m distracted now by the present and the necessary, not the future, not the far-away, not the to-do list.

This doesn’t make the list go away.  It doesn’t change my desire to have Advent and Christmas become special times for my children.  It doesn’t make me want to abandon the Trees and the gifts and Santa.  What it makes me want to do, is not worry about it.  It doesn’t need to be perfect.  We can take our time.  We can let some things go.  My children can build traditions and learn to be flexible at the same time. 

My ideal is to finish most of my shopping and planning before Advent, so I can focus more on the spiritual preparations for Christmas.  This year, more work outside the home, some extra doctor appointments for some of the kids, and a new baby have prevented that.  Likewise, my personal, spiritual preparation is also lacking.  

Something’s got to give.  Maybe we won’t make peanut brittle for the neighbors this year.  Maybe the garbage man will be happy with a gift card.  If we don’t manage the Jesse tree this year, it will be more impactful next year.  I’ll just need to let it go.

There is still work to do.  I’m still going to need to take a few evenings out to finish some shopping and wrapping.  But, I’m also going to take some moments during each preparation to enjoy and to ponder in my heart, the deeper meanings behind all these traditions which lead us to this little Baby’s birthday, the day our God became Incarnate. 

“That’s what I want!” he exclaimed as I saw happy kids run up to a beautiful mom on the TV screen. 

She held a tray of large, clean, red-filled glasses (Yes, made of glass).  I thought it unlikely that this slim mom would actually serve flavored sugar-water to her kids, but the commercial worked and my son wanted Kool-Aid.

We went to the store for party foods and I walked up to the Kool-Aid.  I read the ingredients.  I put it back.  I could not add an envelope of all the things I avoid to a pitcher of sugar water and serve it to my kids and our guests.  Artificial color and flavor were prominent ingredients.  I have children who are sensitive to food dyes, and was willing to bet that other 8-year-old boys attending the party may share this trait.  Why would I add to the chance of a behavior problem at this testosterone-laden event?

I turned around and scanned the real juices behind me.  At our house, juice is a special event.  We usually eat whole fruit instead.  I chose a white grape, cran-strawberry, and blueberry pomegranate juices.  I’m not totally against fun, so I grabbed a bottle of Sierra Mist Natural, made with sugar instead of corn-syrup (another no-no for us) and dye and preservative free. 

When I got home, the first question was, “Did you get the Kool-Aid?” 

“I’m going to make home-made Kool-Aid.”  I replied to the dubious birthday-boy.

I froze the blueberry-pomegranate juice into ice-cubes.  Equal parts of white grape, cran-strawberry, and Sierra Mist mixed with the blue ice cubes and some regular ice cubes.  I liked the way it tasted, and the strawberry and soda helped to give a light, Kool-Aid-like quality.  The birthday-boy drank several glasses and was hyper enough without the dye.

The moral is that like our Heavenly Father, we must balance our children’s desires and requests with what is best for them.  With love we balance the no, the maybe, the yes and the creative compromise. The misspelling of Kool and Aid belies the artificial nature of the product.  When we want artificial happiness, our Father answers with the real thing.  Next time I ask God for what I think I need, I hope to remember how much better homemade Cool-ade tastes and how much better it is for me. 

God bless,

Kate

PS – Please don’t be offended if you love Kool-Aid.  We all must make decisions that we believe are best for our families.  I share my disdain for the product to help make my point, not to tear down Kool-Aid and Kool-Aid drinkers!

Two friends urged me to investigate a new doctor at a new place, Gianna , the National Center for Women’s Health and Infertility at St Peter’s University Hospital.  I was so generally discouraged that I was sure that they would not take my insurance.  One friend called Dr. Beiter’s wife for me.  He quickly called me and discussed my initial test results with me, putting my fears to rest.  Then, we discovered that he just started accepting my plan the week before that.  God had answered my prayers.

The Gianna Center was new and unique.  It provides women’s reproductive healthcare in a way that is totally congruent with Catholic Social Teaching and incredibly respectful of unborn life.  From the latest research in Natural Family Planning, to treatment of infertility, recurrent miscarriage, and other reproductive issues such as PMS or ovarian cysts, the doctors at Gianna prioritize the health and fertility of each woman.

Gianna had begun serving women in New York City in 2009, as part of St. Vincent’s Medical Center.  When St. Vincent’s closed, Drs. Anne Mielnik and Kyle Beiter brought a new Gianna Center to St. Peter’s University Hospital in New Brunswick, NJ.   These doctors sacrifice considerable income by focusing on natural methods of family planning and infertility treatments instead of turning to pharmaceutical options with harmful side effects and moral dilemmas.  They have fought their way through medical school, and the medical community with a vastly different philosophy.  They are bringing an immense gift to our Church and our culture.  Gianna is an oasis which offers real and practical alternatives to the medical options that otherwise devalue the sanctity of life, sex and marriage:  options that may seem like the only option to many suffering women.  

NaPro technology looks to the underlying health of both husband and wife, and a woman’s natural cycle of fertility to treat infertility with the same success rate of IVF over 2 years (or 5-6 attempts at IVF).  More importantly, embryos are not created or destroyed, and the child is conceived through the natural act of marital love.  The Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System is the latest development in effective Natural Family Planning which helps a couple avoid or achieve pregnancy without harmful side effects of birth-control pills, surgery, or dangerous IUDs.  A recent study published in the Journal of Reproductive Medicine found this method to be 99.5% effective in avoiding pregnancy.

I loved my pro-life doctors in the past, but Dr. Beiter and the Gianna Center have taken the definition of pro-life to a new level.  The love for my unborn child and his value was unequalled.  The respect for my ability to cooperate with God in giving life, despite my “advanced maternal age” of 39 was refreshing and comforting.  The medical expertise that resulted in the birth of a happy and healthy seven-and-a-half-pound Max after numerous pregnancy complications was the best benefit.  My husband described the care and attention of the labor and delivery staff at St. Peter’s as “luxurious”.  

I never would have traveled the extra distance to a new doctor if I hadn’t found myself desperate for medical care.  The desperation was the gift that led us to Gianna.  Max and I were some of the first patients of the new Gianna Center at St. Peter’s.  I hope more and more women and couples choose Gianna so it can grow and flourish.  I pray for more doctors and new centers all over our country to offer sound and moral healthcare for women.  Optimistically, Max was actually “caught” by resident, Dr. Nicholas Kongasa, who is studying Catholic reproductive healthcare.  God bless him in this journey and bless our nation with more holy, prayerful doctors who serve Him and their patients with respect and dignity.

LINKS to find Catholic Reproductive Healthcare and learn more!

http://www.saintpetershcs.com/giannacenter/
http://www.popepaulvi.com/fcco.htm
http://www.fertilitycare.org/
 

“Why should I care about that?” she’d reply, “What’s wrong with growing older?”  I thank God for this example.  My mother tries to look nice.  She dyes her hair and cares for her skin.  But trying to look a little younger and healthy is not the same as refusing to acknowledge your advancing years to others.  There is an honesty and self-acceptance that makes this a beautiful thing.  The world may be obsessed with youth, but we don’t have to follow.  We must take joy in the journey, all of it.  Not fight it. 

I believe my mother’s faith played a big part in this.  When we remember that we are only passing through this world on the way to our destiny in the next, our age is not a burden or reminder of impending doom.  This doesn’t mean achy joints and a few more prescriptions to take each day are something to celebrate.  But the added experiences of age are worthy of celebration.  The gift of another year with God’s grace in your life and friends and family to love is reason to be grateful.  So, thanks to my mother for this example.

With no hesitation, I announce that I am thirty-nine today.  (I really am; its not a magic “39”.)  The down side of this was emphasized as I sat in the Gestational Diabetes Education Room this morning with predominantly other women in their late 30’s and 40’s.  But, I also thank God that this is my first pregnancy with this complication and that despite my “advanced maternal age”, I’m able to have another baby in a time when medicine can help me overcome these obstacles.   

I believe that as our bodies lose the beauty and glow of youth, we can transmit that beauty to our souls which are growing up rather than growing old, if we walk with God.  A beautiful soul makes a young body seems rather unimportant.  I think of Mother Teresa’s smile.  Mother Teresa often commented on how prayer, devotion, the Sacraments, and Eucharistic Adoration makes our souls more beautiful for Heaven.  How beautiful a princess she must be in her heavenly home after neglecting her earthly appearance for so many years as she grew old gracefully, with hard work and purpose.

Do you fight the advancing years or do you welcome the growth of each birthday?  When should we try to stay young, and when should we try to grow up?  I suspect this is a personal line for each of us.

God bless,

Kate

My life is not simple.  I do my evening work on my laptop with some reality cooking shows on TV to help me feel like I’m getting some relaxation time.  I’m probably going to need at least 4 doctors appointments for me in the next 2 weeks plus labwork.  I have one child who needs physical therapy and one who needs occupational therapy, and I’m not sure how to deal with our insurance. 

Now, I’m not telling you all this just to whine.  I understand that 70% of you out there have as much, if not more, on your plates.  And that’s the point.   When our plates are overfilled and the gravy is getting in the pudding, and the peas are falling off the plate, all we can do is pick up our forks, and start eating, one bite at a time.  If we try to scarf it down, we will be sick.  If we try to hide it in our napkin, we’ll just make a mess.  If we start making excuses, the plate will continue to overfill as we procrastinate and will eventually break.

And so, when life gets overwhelming, and it will, we need to get to work and do what we can without worry, complaint or excuses.  While you do this, ask for help.  Pray, just a little, for help even if you fall asleep in Mary’s arms barely into the First Mysteries of the Rosary.  Offer your work to God.  Depend on your guardian angel.  It doesn’t mean you have to take lots of time for prayer.  This is the time to live in prayer.  I promise you that if you do your part, even if it doesn’t seem like enough, and you turn to Heaven for help, everything will be OK.

God takes care of us.  He loves us and he cares for us through good and bad.  He reaches into the details of our lives.  He has kept me from falling over and over and in the times when He has allowed me to fall, He has rewarded even the tiniest speck of faith in my soul by picking me up.  I can only speak for myself, but I do know that God loves you as much as He loves me.  I know that He will care for us as His very own children if we put in just some effort, and when we totally fail Him, He welcomes us back.  He does not demand perfection, despite His perfection.  So try and pray and have faith.   

Think about what God wants for your life.  Don’t take on more than He is giving you.  That’s not to say you won’t feel overwhelmed.  When you look at your calendar, and remember that you are doing these things through Christ, you will realize that all things are possible.  If God wants it, trying and praying and trusting are enough.

And so, I had to stay quiet.  Not so easy for me.  I whispered a few stories and explanations as we discussed our Making Music Praying Twice parish program with music ministers and religious education directors.  Mostly, though, I listened.  I had to listen more than I spoke and this was a wonderful thing.

I was able to hear of some great new ministries in the Church and it is wonderful and inspiring to see such ambition in our parish ministers and growth in our parishes.  In today’s meeting, I’m hearing a repeating theme.  It is a message heard loud and clear from the Family Life Initiative in the UK.  It is a message that we continually deliver when we talk to parishes about effective ministry for young families.

The message is:  FAMILY.

Create ministry, education, parish life that addresses the whole family and keeps family together!  Drop off programs aren’t as effective or desirable and here’s why:

1.  Families don’t have enough time together anymore.  Work schedules, dual –income households, extra-curricular activities, and longer school days are taking away family time.  We should not contribute to this.

2.  Children need parents and strong parent models in order to grow properly in their faith.  I usually like to point to the early life of St. Terese of Liseaux and her sisters when discussing this point. 

3.  God wants us to live, love and grow in families.  That’s how He made us.  Before the fall, He made man and woman and said, “Be fruitful and multiply.”  He reveals himself to us as a family.  This must be nurtured and supported.

So to those of you out there doing great ministry for FAMILIES.  Ministry that includes the whole family, keeps them together and helps them grow in love and faith together.  Thank you!

I truly believe the family is under great attack now in our culture, because it is a beautiful and powerful force for good and a true threat to spread of evil.  Long live the family.  Amen.

God bless you and your family,

Kate

One common discussion among the clergy and faithful is a concern that the Domestic Church is under serious attack and is in crisis in our nation and through much of the world.  With rising divorce rates and media and political agendas that undermine family values, the sanctity of marriage, the sacredness of sex, and the human dignity of the unborn, sick and elderly, many are discouraged and Church leadership has spoken up.

When we developed Making Music Praying Twice, I was looking for a music program for my family that hit all the educational points on my list and included the faith that was central to our life.  However, I also had spent some years working in effective teen ministry and trying to start effective ministry for young mothers.  Making Music Praying Twice answered both of these calls.  I continually hear catechists, pastors, and ministers complain that many of the children in their religious education programs are not receiving formation in the home.  The first five years of life are the MOST formative years of a child’s life, and many children are arriving at the parish door at age five spiritually starved and stunted. 

If the family is the Domestic Church, marriage is the foundation.  This is a very important area for us to address.  Next, though, should be the framing.  If a house is poorly framed, how difficult will it be to fix once the paint is dry and the furniture is moving in?  The sooner we intervene, the better!  We’ve been blown away by the stories we hear from parishes and families on how introducing faithful music into the home is transforming families.  This is especially important because these are very young families.  The framework is just going up!

The Church in the UK has recently put great efforts into addressing the crisis in families.  After extensive research, it is not surprising that they are taking time to address the youngest families, with children ages 0-5.  The most effective ministry in this age group is what they call “Toddler Groups”.  Learn more on their webpage, and facebook page (Like it and lend your support!).  Check out their video about toddler groups on facebook.  There are some great quotes in there about the importance of addressing young families. 

I was privileged to discuss some of these issues with Elizabeth Davies, the Marriage and Family Life Project Officer in the UK, at the National Family Life Ministers Conference last year.  They have intern Katie Petrik working on developing the Toddler Program now and she is showing us some very successful Toddler Group models online.

The existing model is very specific to British culture.  Some US parishes are offering playgroups and even some programs with more structure like the Toddler Group model.  If your parish is doing something wonderful for this age group, please comment about it.  We all have to be aware of successful ways to edify the Domestic Church at this critical time.  Katie will soon be back in the US to help spread this movement in the US Church!

I have spoken to parishes several times about the possibilities and opportunities we have to become the “place to be” for families with young children.  Instead of lamenting our closing schools, use the real estate to serve our whole families, offering a faith-filled social and extra-curricular life for children with their parents, particularly those with young children.  Let’s get in and address the building of the Domestic Church at the beginning of its construction.  If the framing is poor, all the following work will be compromised.  God bless all of you who have built strong foundations and frames for your families.  As Domestic Church we must spread the Good News, helping other families find their way in Christ.

God bless,

Kate

This makes me think of all that I have been spared because I have been marked by the blood of the Lamb.  The emptiness and loneliness and searching in this world and regret and potential suffering in the next is lessened each time I partake in the Passover sacrifice at every Mass.  What a gift to be Catholic!  May we never take it for granted.

To help our children understand the significance of this, we want to build an understanding of the importance of Passover early in their lives.  When a child understands the Old Testament, she sees the fulfillment of Salvation History in Christ.  The Eucharist, the greatest of Sacraments, is such a perfect response to all that came before and preparation for all that would and will come after.  When we know what came before, we better appreciate this.

Holy Thursday is the day we honor the institution of the Eucharist, when Jesus elevated the Passover meal to the ultimate Sacrament.  This is why we devote Holy Thursday to Passover and Eucharist. 

For young children, this means reading stories, the Children’s Bible and watching movies retelling the story of the Exodus early in the day.  Later at dinner, we’ll read from the book of Exodus before partaking in a meal of lamb, bitter herbs, matzoh (homemade if I have time), grape juice, and haroset (apple raisin salad which symbolizes the bricks and mortar from the years of slavery in Egypt), along with other sides.  Afterward, we can read St. John’s account of the Last Supper, if the children are too young to attend Holy Thursday Mass. 

If you want to do a little more, try a Christian version of the Seder Meal, like this one, to connect the meal more intimately with the meal the Israelites were commanded to eat at the Exodus.  You can try for a super-authentic Seder if you wish, but the Seder meal that our Jewish brethren celebrate today is not the quite same as the tradition used in Israel 2000 years ago anyway, so modifications for our faith perspective are reasonable.  Really, Holy Thursday is about the Eucharist first.

I hope you make Holy Thursday a special day of family traditions that will impact the memories and understanding of your children as they grow in faith.  God bless us all as we work to raise our children in His Church.

God bless,
Kate

You may know that I’m expecting our fifth baby this summer.  I’ve written in the past about the benefits of music in the womb, but I’ve never really made a deliberate effort to play music FOR the baby.  I’ve seen the benefits for the children who were in the womb when my life included more music and singing, but I’ve never strapped the headphones to my growing belly.

It looks like this active little guy will be the guinea pig.  I received a Lullabelly® prenatal music belt for review and as I am approaching the third trimester, I am beginning a daily diet of prenatal music for him.  I plan to start with Mozart’s Piano Concertos, partly because I particularly love them, and partly because music of the Classical Period, and Mozart, in particular, has been found to provide the greatest benefit to a child’s brain growth.

The Lullabelly® definitely makes the experiment more attractive with a comfortable and easy-to-use soft fabric belt that simply wraps around my middle with Velcro.  If, like me, you think you may need more reach as the, er, baby grows, they will send you an extender quickly in the mail, for a $3 shipping fee.  The same reasonable fee applies if you need a replacement for a lost or broken speaker. 
A simple wire can be pulled out of the zippered pouch and plugged into your PC, Phone, or CD player.  Or, you can plug in your iPod, pack it away in the pouch and walk around.  The belt stays in place and comfortable even while doing some housework or taking a walk, which means busy moms can multi-task.  The enclosed directions are clear, and include some succinct guidance on the use of prenatal music stimulation.

If you have the time, there are great benefits to listening with your baby.  Both your bodies will respond to the music similarly.  Your heartbeats respond.  Your serotonin levels respond.   With this in mind, the product includes an adapter that allows you to listen along with ear buds.  Baby and Mom each have their own volume control.  

Safety is considered in the volume levels.  They claim that the volume control prevents levels from exceeding that of Mom’s normal speaking voice in the womb.  I can’t verify this, as the volume of baby’s speaker is almost inaudible to me.  I’m pretty sure it doesn’t get too loud.  Actually, it’s so quiet, that I wouldn’t be sure that the sound is actually getting through the material, my clothes, and my body, so I’ll have to trust in their assertions for now.  

As far as general use, the only improvement I could recommend would be a section of elastic in the band to help it adjust if you are moving from a standing to sitting position, the only move for which I had to readjust.  The electronic components are easily removed for washing.  At this point, several colors are available which makes it more fun to shop for or give as a gift. 

The $55.00 price tag is certainly more than you’d typically spend on a set of earphones (unless you are my husband), but the value is there as this product is customized to the needs of the unborn child from safety to convenience and comfort for mom.  This product is very well designed and would make a great gift for a mom-to-be especially experienced moms who don’t need a lot of baby gear.  Here is an idea for Dad to give his expecting wife for Mother’s Day, or a group gift from a playgroup or office crowd.  Lullabelly ® is available in limited stores, but can be purchased easily on their website.

So, we’ll see how this experiment plays out.  I’ll certainly want to include some Vivaldi and simple folk music in our new son’s repertoire.  Studies show that syncopated music can be detrimental to a child’s health at this developing age, so no jazz until he’s out and about.   Of course, we will not be featuring angry music or heavy metal proven to be extremely detrimental to brain growth and emotional development.  But for about an hour a day, in addition to the music of our home and from Mom’s voice, this young one will be literally swimming in beautiful music.  I can’t wait to see what will happen.  You can hear all about it in 3 months, when the experiment is over and part 2 of this review is released.